I just need to VENT!

Today is just one of those days that you feel like you are the bag in the kick-boxing class. Everything and everyone is hitting you at once! I just want to completely pull my hair out and scream! Why?, you may ask? Well probably because I have 36 days till i'm getting married, I  have a frustrating job (when others don't do their job), and I physically just haven't been feeling it.

Getting MARRIED! First off don't think I'm not excited, because I totally am! But it's just that MARRIAGE is not easy, and I honestly don't think it's going to be a cake walk by any means. I know it's something you have to work on, and I know that marriage is falling in and out of love with that same person several times. I know that once you get into a fight and just seem to not love that person for that one minute that you do fall back on that quality friendship that you do have!  That is one thing that me and Jesse do have.. an AMAZING friendship. He is my best friend... and I couldn't imagine my life without him. So the days like this where maybe sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, I think about the wise words of my sister Camille, "When you think of the father of your children do you see Jesse? When you see your life could you see Jesse not being in it?" Those are some serious questions, but easily I said, I couldn't imagine a better father, and I could never live another day without Jesse. He is the one I know can put a smile on my face (even when I am holding the wendy's cup up to my mouth trying to not let him see me smile, and when he rats me out, I laugh and water comes out of my nose onto his lap) I love Jesse, I am so blessed I get to be with someone with such a big heart. I just get worried sometimes with technology now days..  you know.. like we have all the necessities to make us entertained with our phones, i pods, i pads, tvs, etc. But where is just the "Let's just have an US night!" NO tv, No phones, etc. Just talk.. talk about eachothers day, eachothers goals, just life. Ah, I could go months without a tv. I really never watch it. But I understand I am not the most entertaining person, especially when I sleep as much as I do when I sit down, but I would love to come home to Jesse everynight and just have it be US! A perfect marriage, a perfect communication, a perfect understanding.... OK OK, I know PERFECT is non-existable. But a girl can wish right?! Anyways,I know I will have an outstanding marriage with Jesse and we will be happy as can be. I am very lucky and blessed. I thank God for him each and every day and night. :)

Ah, feels good to vent. I need to write a book, except I would never be able to write an ending. Everyday I learn something new that I would love to share with someone, if not everyone. I would love to have time in the day to sit and learn the piano and guitar and write songs.  I love singing, I need to do that more too. So much! But my wrist is starting to hurt (stupid health problems) like seriously, I'm 19, I will be in a wheelchair when i'm 23 with the way my health is going.. JOY! I just need to start meditating, and listening to Josh Groban (which I am doing right now). I need to set a side a little sesh with me, and the lord and talk. And read good, uplifting books, and pray. I definitely need to work on.. ME! That'll be my goal.

Well, I think I am done venting, I also feel like I just pulled a ton of bricks off my chest.

Thanks Blogger.

Sincerely, Alyssa